|
| Today.. I dunno I said it be nice to have 2 lessons with him... Didn't mkae much of a difference, I think I thouroughly ebaraced myself. :(:( I'm soo bad , like I wasn't in a very goood mood, way to tired etc.. and we were walking to art together and we kinda had to make a convo.. usually its fine, we can talk about anything random.. this time it was just embaracing. I think I felt like I had to say sumthing.. and then the stuff I said didn't really come out rite.. uggish.. Ohh well I willl just leave it for a while.. see what happens.
Life can be so frustrating sometimes. I hate it, but then I do also love life.. Uggish I should be doing art..I need to write and analysize about cave drawings.. do experiments around them.. I did this really cool thing in class but then dunno how to link it to what I am doing now.. I wanna do like this cool effectr.. hmm how do I explain in typing.. well it has to do with an animal being camouflaged but as in like instead of its fur half of him/her will look exacly the same as the thing it is standing/runing in front off.. kinda confusing to explain. I hope/think it will look cool though.. Gotta go to the zoo his weekend:P:P:P take 1st hand pictures and do first hand drawings. It better be dry!!!
Oh well I'll stop talking crap
| | |
| no-one ever makes any comments  I need advice ppl!! I just duuno what to do.. I'm such a sad person, its just embaracing for how long I've been single? What am I an ugly w(b)itch? Never thought of it like that.. I mean I personally dunt think I'm like the prettiest girl around, I know I'm not... but I'm not that like guy repellend am I? this is so sad.. but then I gues its not just me, its several things:
* the fact that I am often to shy to show my actual feelings
* The fact that our grade doesn't have that many couples, its not like everyone has a bf (or gf) and I'm the odd one out
* the fact that I way too often tend to like the guys which are amazingly unrealistic.. Even though frances says this guy.. the one I kinda like now is realistic. I personally seriously dunt know. Would a guy offer his cheeks if he hated the gilr? no probably not, so I gues he doesn't hate me.. But thats not usually the problem ( I HOPE!!) I think everyone just kinda looks over me, I'm not very noticable (as in not a very special person) Just average nice.. nothing special about me.. At least if I was in some way or the other special I would stand out.. I'm not.. though u can see me from far away but thats different, thats cuz I'm tall. See another disadvantage.. guys often like smaller girls.. though for the guy I like now I gues I have an advantage cuz he's frigging tall..... but then there is another girl he sumtimes hangs out with hu is like his hieght.... This is soo frustrating, I know ppl hu say dunt bother with high school relationships they're not worth it are right. But at the same time I still want one... But so do a lot of other people.. Uggish me is sooo confused. Actually not really, I know what I want, I just dunt think I can get it... weird huh? maybe. I dunno... Argh no-one online hu I can confront this with. and the stupid thing is no-one has an answer.. Oh well at least 2morow I get to spend a few lessons with him, I better go do homework now | | |
| ok ok I know I should update a lot more.. but was never really in the mood to but now I am cuz I am Heavily in LOVE
K I was confused like a long time ago.. then kinda cleared my mind etc etc.. Now I've made up my mind... I've basicly seen him the whole weekend and got to kiss him yesterday night:) (sadly enough just kisses on the cheek but oh well... and he asked for them not like I just offered.. to shy for that) He remebered the dutch give 3 kisses instead of 2 so that was very sweet:):) and I got to give him a hug.. but that isn't really that special as I do that with more guys even if I dunt like them.. u know everyone does.. friendship kidna thing..
Uggsih I dun wanna say too much cuz ppl wil know streight away... Oh by the way stable boy if ur reading this tis not you.. apologies to what happened sunday night!! I didn't mean it liek that at all.. I was absolutely exhausted and just needed sum1 to tell me it was ok and ppl out there still liked me and that I wasn't alone in the world... so it was more of a friendship thign... I'm sooooo sorry (erin and chelsea dutn ask abou it cuz I'm not about to tell you what happened as ti was amazingly embaracing)
Anywayz back to my luv.. I ahd a dream and withing that dream i thought I was dreamign sumthing.. than inside the dream I realisd it wasn't (even though it was) and it made me all happy cuz I loved the dream ti was soo cool ( had to do with my crush ofcourse) and then when I woke up reality hit me.... snif snif.. oh well... it always does.. I'm not exacly the prettiest or nicest girl around so yeah
Anywayz g2g so yeah maybe I'll remember to update more foten again:)
| | |
| hmm I'm bored.. U know maybe I should give up on love full stop.. untill I'm about 18 or so... according to Chelsea's sis and my cousin there is absolutely NO point in highschool dating as u might date for like a few months and thats about it.. I dunno I gues thats true but it does bring happiness and yeah I dunno.. I can basicly only cum up with crappy arguments so I might aswell not say them... Uggish sumtimes I wish I was liked though, maybe I am but I just never know/knew.. oh well I'm actually quite happy being single sumtimes but then When I look at erin.. Hu had a boyfriend from nov till jan which made her really happy and now she's got sum1 again and again shes reaalllly happy.. it kinda makes me jalous sometime but ohwell.... Something I would want sooo much more was ofcourse my own horse.. but as I can't that that a lease would be just as good only I can't affor that either.. Basicly a 1000 bucks a month so yeah... uggish!! And I still dunno if I'm leaving or not. Life sucks.. I gues I seriously SHOULD no complain though.. I mean I'm 1 of the lucky 5% of the world which is wealthy and has propper good education etc etc... Hmm but then I gues I should be thankfull of every thing.. the food I eat, clothes I wear, teachers et etc. That be just a tiny bit too much.. I gues I should though. apreciate everything. I want to have finished school and uni already and fulfil my dreams, work in South africa in a Nature reserve (as a voulanteer/vet) Go on a greenpeace ship, go to antarctica, anything, travel and discover the world, help do stuff for the environment. I wanna make a difference. I don't just want to be any of the other millions of people hu just pollute the earth and dunt give a damn, continue life wathever it doesn't effect us anyway... Hmm the Greenpeace thing and working in South Africa is something I REALLY wanna do. Sometimes I wonder what I would do if say I lost a limb or sumething.. probably 1st go into a year of depression and then try to accept my new life and live it.. Only It will destroy basicly my whole future dreams. Oh well... I gues its all a bit too far ahead to be thinking about. Maybe though I wanna go on a greenpeace ship in a gap year, that be really cool, but if I want to Iwould have the contact greenpeace sometime this or next year cuz they dunt just always have place for ppl... I mean ofcourse u work onboard but still.. Oh well yeah this is just me blabbing about things that might never happen... just dreams.. Oh well All I can do is hope they slightly come true. | | |
| I was so good at updating for a week.. I gues it never lasts..Therefore I decided to do something more interesting (like updating.. its not greatly interesting but better than other stuff like:) before I went and did my homework. Its only 4 anyway and my little rule is about an hour, at least 45 min of a break before continuing with sumthing to do with school..
Nothing intersting has really happened.. Just boring school days with quite a lot of homework t do.. U know its sooooo strange whenever I have an activity or do sumthing after I cum back from school, I can concentrate btter on doing homework and therefore get more done in less time!! So yeah from the moment I can bike again or do any form of sports I will.. Decided I should go to the gym at the dutch club.. Like go by bus (not by bike yet as that would put too much strain on the stupid hernia) anywayz when I'm there strech for about 5 min.. run for about 15 or 20 (actually just run about 2km maybe 3.. slowly gotta rebuild muscles) then go on the rowing machine. afterwards maybe jump in the pool... than go back home. and concentrate on schoolwork with a clear mind..
Well thats my plan now lets see if I'm gonna keep to it.... | | |
|
